The Not-So-Royal Baby

Good for William and Kate.  The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have done their duty by providing the increasingly superfluous British monarchy with an "heir and a spare."

They had been married only a short time when the baby watch began.  Nothing happened.  Before long, die-hard romantics in Britain began the subtle chant, "Why is she there if she can't get an heir?"  The pressure was on.  The future king of England--even though it's not "England" anymore, thanks to the European Union--has a job to do, and it wasn't getting done.

For those of us who remember our history, it brought to mind previous monarchs, ones who weren't irrelevant and actually ruled.  Their responsibilities in the baby-making business were crucial for the family to maintain an unbroken succession to the throne.

Mary Queen of Scots found herself facing a big hurdle when she married a man with advanced syphilis.  This poor woman had no luck with husbands.  As a girl, she was married off to Francis, the Valois heir to the French throne, but he was sickly and died in his teens.

Mary returned to Scotland to personally rule the kingdom she had inherited as a baby, and immersed herself in Europe's complex power struggle.  She was next in line to succeed Elizabeth I of England.  Her biggest rival for the throne was a cousin, Henry Stuart, Lord Darnley.  He had an advantage over her, being male, English, and favored by England's Catholics.  Marrying him solidified her position and made Elizabeth more likely to name Mary as her successor.

Marrying him was the right thing to do.  Or so it seemed at the time.

It didn't take long to recognize the advanced syphilis which plagued Darnley.  Nobody's perfect, of course, but the disease was a death sentence in the 16th century.  The intimate contact necessary to produce an heir would likely kill the Queen.

What to do?

Mary was raised in the French court, a hotbed of sexual, political, and religious intrigue.  As a precocious child, she learned a trick or two from the ambitious players in the royal reality show which nurtured her.  Catherine de Medici, the famed purveyor of diabolical mischief, had her own problems with conceiving an heir.  She solved her husband's indifference by excluding him from the process.  Catherine knew her witchcraft and used it prodigiously.

Mary took note and acquired a ringer of her own.  Years later, when the wife of James II tried the same trick, members of the court had grown wary; they demanded the right to witness these royal births as a safeguard against the chicanery of non-productive parents who might "magically" introduce an outsider--a foundling or product of a surrogate--into the royal bloodlines.

Mary's "son"--whom she despised even before he betrayed her--went on to become King James I of England.  His lack of a pedigree might be awkward for the family which traces its lineage back to Mary, except for the fact that monarchy no longer represents divine intercession in earthly affairs.  It is now nothing more than an attractive distraction and an extravagant tourist trap.

We tell the full story of Mary's escapades in the e-book "Mary Queen of Scots and the Magician-King," available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.